I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
