we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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