His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
