how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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