If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
