I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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