you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
