Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
