I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
