So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
