I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Randomize
