He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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