When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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