I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
