I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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