Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
