she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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