Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
