So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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