I think scott just propositioned me for sex
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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