I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
