This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
