Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
