Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
