Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
