'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
