I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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