He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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