so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
