Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
