lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
