i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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