how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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