So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
