I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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