he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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