So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
