Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
