My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
