Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
