You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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