He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
