if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
