I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
