Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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