That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
