Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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