i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
