dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
