Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You ate ashes out of my bong
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
