I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It's blow job season.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
