My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
