can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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