he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
