I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Randomize
